I’m not sure what has happened over these last few days but I have woken up today with an overwhelming feeling of panic!
Panic – that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew
Panic – that I am not going to be fit in time for May
Panic – that I won’t hit my fundraising target
Just an engulfing sense of panic that I will simply fail and let everyone around me down.
I am usually quite a positive person and very determined. If I set myself a task, I will do absolutely everything I can to achieve it. Today, I simply feel overwhelmed by the task ahead.
It could be because I have seen all the social media posts from my fellow 10in10ers and their training is going so well – they have been doing their long runs, marathons, even double marathons this weekend, whilst I’ve been sat on the injury bench. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been doing all my strengthening exercises – my monster walks and even those awful couch stretches. I’ve even been foam rollering my legs daily (I didn’t even give myself Sunday off). I have been assured that by following the exercise programme, I will be making myself much stronger to take on the event and I truly believe this. I do have faith in the advice I have been given – they are experts after all and have helped to get an awful lot of athletes across the finish line of the 10in10. I am really cross with myself that I have allowed little seeds of doubt to be planted in my head.
I felt so upbeat last week - I was buzzing after getting home from the training weekend. I knew that taking on the challenge would be a complete emotional rollercoaster but I did not appreciate how difficult the rollercoaster would be to steer! I understand that it is not all about being physically strong – you have to have a strong mental attitude too.
I am not looking for sympathy. I know that this is just a momentarily glitch, a bit of a wobble and that I will be back to my usual positive self in the morning. However, wouldn’t it be boring if you just got to hear about the good bits of my journey, that all my training was going well and everything was always hunky dory? Sadly this is not the reality – I know there will be pain, there will be disappointment and I know there will be tears and I will be sharing both the ups and the downs with you.
I know how to train for a marathon – there is no end of training advice around for this, but how do you train for 10? There are no training guides to get you through. Nothing you can refer to for reassurance that the mileage you are doing is fine and that if you hit 20 miles and taper for 2 weeks that you are likely to get around. The training advice is just for your physical fitness – what about your mental fitness too? You have to be mentally strong to get up and run 26.2 miles day in, day out, despite the pain, despite the fatigue. Luckily, I am surrounded by supportive family and friends and have my new 10in10 family to help get me through – we are all in the same boat after all.
I know that once I sit and read through the Brathay Trust webpage and read through all the stories of the kids who have had the support of the Brathay Trust, that my emotional rollercoaster will pause just for a moment, let me catch my breath and I can refocus on what this challenge is all about. If I can just help one youngster get the support they need to have a better chance, better opportunities and a more promising future (one which you would expect that every kid in the UK is entitled to) then all this mental anguish is worthwhile as it is nothing like the anguish that they have suffered in their short lifetime.
Thank you for reading about my fears and following my journey! Rest assured, I will be back to my usual, bubbly self tomorrow.
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